9 Ways to Reduce the Pain and Cost of Divorce

1. Consider filing for a divorce without a lawyer

You can file for a divorce without a lawyer in Texas.  There are websites and books

that can show you how to do that.  If you have no kids and no property, maybe

it’s a good idea.  But if you have kids or property – one, two, or three children, car,

or bank account, or retirement, or home – you may want to think about hiring a

lawyer.  Look, lawyers can be expensive, but they don’t have to be.  The first way

to keep your lawyer’s cost down is to come to an agreement with your spouse.

Before that, I recommend a consultation – whether free or $300.00, that consult

is worth it.  You will learn what to include in your agreement and what not to

include.  Then you and your lawyer can agree on an uncontested “case fee.”

2. Know when to need divorce help from a lawyer

You want your divorce to be less of a negative impact on your children.  Your kids

may not get the right amount of child support.  For example, the child support

payor may be paid twice a month or bi-weekly, may have bonuses, may have a

new job.  A lawyer can help you figure this out – you may be paying too much or

receiving too little.    Your lawyer will know how to calculate child support.  Being

off by just $20.00 a week can cost you thousands over the child’s life.

Your visitation schedule may not be enforceable.  If your visitation, possession,

or parenting schedule is not specific enough, you and your ex may fight for years

and the judge won’t be able to help you.  Your lawyer will know how to write up

the decree.  In Texas it needs to be very specific.

Your home or other property may not be transferred properly.  With real estate,

your decree or deed between you and your husband/wife will need to be recorded

at the courthouse.  If you divide a company retirement plan, it will need to be

done by a QDRO, that is acceptable by the company’s retirement department.

These are just some of the reasons why you should seek a lawyer’s help if you have

kids or property.  There are many others, including – getting help with moving

your kids to another state without your ex’s permission.  Your decree has to be

written properly to protect you and your children so you can move or so your ex-

spouse can’t move your kids.  So please consider a lawyer.  The cost now will be

worth it later.

(Full Disclaimer - See Report’s Last Page)

3. Have your lawyer do a marriage contract and work on the

marriage for 90 days

Clients are often looking for a quickie divorce.  Many of you want to know if you

can file your own divorce.  But before you file at all – ask yourself – can my spouse

and I learn to get along?  If your problems are mostly caused by one person’s bad

behavior – drugs, cheating, beating, you either need to end the marriage or THEY

need help.  You can’t work on the marriage until that spouse solves that problem.

But if you have one of the usual 5 “hot button” problems – sex, family of origin,

work, money, and kids – then you need to learn skills-conflict management,

communication, and other healthy relationship skills – sign a contract with a

marriage educator to learn and practice these skills for 90-120 days.  If your lawyer

can’t help you with this, then he or she is behind the times – for more information

contact Michael Hiller – “Reconciliation Law” creator.   Your lawyer can be your

mediator to help keep the marriage stay together – he or she needs to be trained

in marriage mediation – they will sit with you and your spouse and become your

marriage coach and help you resolve your conflict and learn communication

skills.  After a 10 hour session, or 5 two hour sessions, they will write up your plan

that can be followed up for 90-120 days.  If your marriage doesn’t work out, have

them mediate the divorce.  Your lawyer has now become your mediator and can

mediate the divorce if the marriage can’t be saved.  He or she can help you come

to terms on all issues – and you don’t have to both have attorneys.  When it’s over,

you can take your agreement to court for the judge’s signature.  You want your

decision to be less of a negative impact on your children.

4. If you file for divorce, get to court quickly.

Too many people drag their cases out once the decision to divorce or go for custody

or child support is made, you want to get in and out of the courthouse quickly.

An uncontested divorce can happen in 60 days.  Contested cases take longer.

But if you need a hearing, get to court quickly.  Many cases require mediation,

especially in Texas.  Get the mediation done ASAP, don’t let “discovery” bog you

down.  (That’s why it’s called the “discovery money pit” – lots of documents and

requests go back and forth between the lawyers and not much gets done usually).

 

5. Try collaborative divorce.

If you own anything at all or have kids, consider collaborative divorce.  Collaborative

law is when you, your spouse, and your lawyers agree that y’all will work together

to resolve your case.  Your lawyers are committed to that concept.  The case

doesn’t settle, the lawyers are out of a job – you have to get new lawyers – so they

won’t give up so easily.  You and your spouse will have several sessions where

you decide on a temporary arrangement, a parenting plan, evaluate and divide

property.  You may even have coaches that keep the peace and help you with

finances.  These coaches can actually reduce the cost emotionally and financially

– they are less expensive than lawyers and are trained in communication skills

and finances.  Complete disclosure and respectful behavior are required, so not

all parties can do collaborative law.  Both clients must be reasonably honest to do

collaborative law.

6. If you have a custody case, have your lawyer set a hearing ASAP,

and get your case heard.

Again, cases tend to drag on and on.  Judges go on vacation and clients wind

up in the hospital.  You do need investigations and to discover things, but get to

the court as quickly as possible.  If you can’t be heard that day, have your lawyer

reset the case.  In Texas, the first hearing is really important, especially in divorces.

It often determines the final outcome.  Custody cases can be very expensive.

Consider how bad your spouse is as a parent before fighting hard.  Compromise

wherever you can, either through collaborative law or mediation.  We even have

jury cases for custody in Texas, but they are expensive and time consuming, so be

sure you can afford them.

7. If you’re going to negotiate, set a time limit for the hours your

lawyer spends

Most clients want to resolve their family cases without going to court – but there

is a cost to the time your lawyer negotiates.  Please be sure that you set a limit

on how many hours your family law lawyer negotiates.  In all court cases, you

have the right to have your case tried, at least in Texas.  You may have to go to

mediation, but even that can be half a day.   Whatever you do, be efficient and

prepared.

 

8. divorce, child support, and custody are major purchases.  Decide

what you can afford and give your lawyer your budget.

Your retainer can be $1,500.00 to $15,000.00 or more.  Some lawyers take a low

retainer then send you a huge bill.  If all you can spend is $1,000, tell your lawyer.

If you want a big fight, be prepared to pay for it.  Most divorce lawyers take credit

cards.  Ask – “what is the most efficient way to get my case resolved?” – and insist

upon an answer.  Communicate regularly about your case expectations and

budget.  Try for a flat fee, or series of flat fees for different aspects of the case.

Be clear and have your lawyer be clear – and remember the better you and your

partner get along, even in a divorce, the lower your bill.

9. If you have tons of money, get a prenup, do whatever you want,

and and remember your kids.

Many wealthy people want good relationships, but are too busy to have them.

Money becomes the focus.  There are romantic prenups, but your lawyer has to

know how to do them (you add “marriage booster” clauses).  First, protect your

assets then provide for the non-married spouse – the longer the marriage, the

greater the provision.  If you are very wealthy and live in Houston, TX, or any wealthy

city, you will likely go to a handful of powerful attorneys.  But do they really have

your best interest at heart?  Your kids’ interest?  Do they do collaborative law?  Do

they try your case for their fame and your fortune, or for your best interest?  They

might be needed sometimes, but I fully recommend collaborative law for wealthy

folks and anyone who has kids, property, and is reasonably honest.

Disclaimer:

This Report does not establish an attorney-client    relationship, but instead provides general education and

information.  Hiller and Associates only practices law in Texas.  Any information provided may or may not apply

in your state or situation.  To establish an attormey-client relationship with Hiller and Assoc., P.C., please contact

them directly through their website for a consultation and signed retainer agreement - www.hillerlaw.com